BPD & me

Today I'm going to speak out on something I've mainly kept to myself for as long as I can remember. The reason I keep it to myself is because of the assumptions people make when I've told them. I have BPD also known as Borderline Personality Disorder.. Now I know what you are thinking and no, it doesn't mean that I have 2 different personalities or an alter ego of some sort.. Yes, that's the assumption that people usually tend to lean against because that's what they're familiar with. I'm not going to define as if I've just read it out of some text book, but I will paraphrase what it means to me in my own words. As most of you know I have Depression, and when I get depressed I usually go through stages in my Depression or some may call them Depressive episodes.  Now with BPD, it means that when I'm going through these Depressive episodes, I tend to irrationalize a lot. Basically, I over think everything and these negative thoughts start flowing my brain and they don't stop. And while this is happening , I start to feel numb to all the pain around me or in my life and I start to feel the walls are caving in and there's no hope for me. I start to feel abandoned and unloved and extremely alone . BPD is considered a personality disorder but its not the way you think. Basically, it changes my mood to the extreme and I tend to feel stuck in  this black hole and don't see a way out.. Its hard but its something i struggle with everyday, just thought I'd share that!