My Ironic Truth!

I have been a fraud ..I have 2 sides of me...The side you see and the side of what's really inside...Wanna know a secret? Im not happy..Honestly, there's only one moment where I feel complete joy and its when Im singing at church! So 2-3 hours in my week , I am at peace..Thats so sad..But its the truth, the complete brutal truth..Everyone says Depression hurts. but with me its a dark enemy that haunts me..I feel alone all the time , although I NEVER doubt that God is there and that he will free me one day...Truth is, I hate my Depression,but I am scared to Live without it..Now the only person Ive ever told this is my Therapist..But Im tired of living a Lie, living with this wall up and mask over myself..This crutch , this struggle , this life that is my own..I am blessed to be a daughter of the Living God, but everyday I get very tired of Living in Pain (in every sense of the word)..Some of you may read this and dismiss it saying "She's always depressed" and some will think im suicidal, but I am NOT!! God has a purpose for me and I intend to fulfill it so for that I live..NOT for me! And this is who I am..I know how to love and how to be a good friend, a good sister, a good daughter, but I do not know how to be Happy..How Ironic!