It’s crazy
how you can be awake on a random Summer Thursday morning at 3am and be in tears
from how overwhelmed you feel. That’s me right now! Well let me explain why I feel
so overwhelmed. My life has been hard especially in the last 6 years after
becoming a Christian. It’s been the craziest roller coaster ride of my life and
yet so magically beautiful all at the same time. I’ve lost so much, but I’ve
also gained amazing things and people along the way. I’ve loved hard and I’ve
been hurt in more ways than one. I’ve been judged and misunderstood for many
reasons, some of which I can admit are my fault. But I’ve also been accepted
and loved in a way I never imagined was possible. So as I sit here thinking
about my life for the past 6 years, yes, I am indeed overwhelmed. I’m
overwhelmed because despite all the pain I’ve faced, I see so much beauty in
the world not despair like I did for so many years. After being disowned by my
parents due to my faith, I developed so much anger and resentment towards my
parents that I couldn’t imagine loving them & extending grace to them the
way Christ would want me to. And yet, here I am feeling free because I have
finally forgiven them and let go of all that anger and resentment and given it
to God. After being depressed for over 15 years and seeing pure darkness in
myself, I finally see the light in every situation. And after hating myself for
so long, feeling lost & hopeless, ugly & trying to find myself, I finally
found myself in the one who I truly belong to: Jesus! Now I know where my
identity lies and I can finally see myself through God’s eyes not anyone else’s’
or even my own.
6 years
later, everything is truly different and for so long I lost sight of the
amazing things God has done in my life and is continuing to do. No more! God is
at work in me in such amazingly beautiful ways and I don’t want to live my life
missing that or taking for granted the adventure I’m on with the person who
holds my heart. I always thought it was so cliché to “fall in love” with God
like if it were a romantic relationship with another human being, but it’s not.
In fact, it’s not only possible, it’s so much better than anything you have
ever experienced or can imagine experiencing. Feeling God’s overwhelming love
and loving him back is something words can’t even fully describe because they
will always fall short to how amazing it truly is.
I get it now
Jesus! You love me, I mean you really truly fully unconditionally love me even
in the times when I feel unlovable and unworthy. You pursue me and chase me
even when I go my own way. And when I come to my senses, all I have to do is
turn around and see you there with open arms reaching out to me. You build me
up when I feel broken, you hold me when all I want to do is cry and be held,
you listen to me no matter what I have to say and you show me you care unlike
anyone I’ve ever met. And most importantly, you love me for me flaws and all so
thank you!! Thank you for all the great things you have done for me, inside of
my soul, and through me, the amazing people you’ve brought into my life, and
those you’ve taken away. Thank you for the pains & storms I’ve overcome and
for those you’ll help me get through in the future. And thank you for never
leaving me alone and for loving me just because I’m simply me. I love you more
than anyone and anything!! I am in awe of you and overwhelmed by your love and
your holy presence.
Mold me to
your liking Lord, I am Yours!
…and You are
Mine. (& what a beautiful reality that is!)
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