Under The Spell

As I walk in, you’re already reeling me in.

How can I convey how I’m feeling?

You greet me with a hug & a smile.

And I’ll admit, I’m instantly hooked.

I look at you & as much as I try to look away, something about you still draws me in more & more.

The night progresses, & although I’m having fun, the mixed signals allow confusion to creep into my heart.

Why can’t I just let you go? Why can’t I look away? Is it because deep down I don’t want to? And although I hate that I love you, part of me likes this cat & mouse game.

Its messed up, I know!

Trust me, I know that well.

But if you stop, my heart will burst from the pain of knowing it’s really over.

So I’ll sit here & pretend I’m completely fine, even though I’m lying.

And I know that, later when I’m home, my pillow will taste the tears I bottled the whole night.

Is it worth it, they ask?

Is it worth all the pain and confusion you’re feeling?

I’ll always say no & make up a story of how I’m done, but then when I see your face & remember all the times you looked at me & saw the real me, and I’m under your spell once again.

Truth is, I’m alone & that reality hurts so much.

Honestly, I’m not ready to look away & I’m not ready to let go even though I know I have to.

So I’ll just play along until the pain becomes too much to bear.

And then I’ll break the spell & say goodbye to the one who saw me & loved me once before.