So after having a semi-ok/ scary New Years in New York. Woke up today so sore! But then went home took a nap & tried not to think about the madness around me. All the stress & nothing seems to be working. Yeah I go to therapy, my therapist says to breathe & stay away from the stress. As if that can be possible! All of my stresses are too real just to turn away. They haunt me every day. All I have is God to sustain & honestly sometimes I feel too ashamed, for some reason, to even face God. I feel so alone! Its sad I keep all these emotions bottled up over so many different things. Sometimes I just wanna scream at the top of my lungs til all the stress goes away. Even though I know that's not gonna happen. I feel so fet up, so frustrated & tired. I live alone & it sucks. I just want my 2012 to be amazing & so much better! 2011 was a horrible year for me. Too much heart-ache, stress, drama, anger, etc etc. I don't want a repeat. I'm glad I've overcome that year though, it makes me stronger. But the year has only begun! I'm gonna try & stay positive , but knowing me that won't last long. You see, that's the problem with depression! Its never satisfied, it wants you to be more & more negative & sadly I fall in its trap quite often. I hate it though, I must admit. I wanna manage stress better in 2012. Find new love =). Have way more fun! Get a new job! Be healthier! & most importantly, strengthen my walk with God. I wanna really trust God to be my strength because I can't bear it alone..I hate it , I feel so drained on so many levels. Sometimes I think to myself how I'd rather die & be with God than be here dealing with all these issues. Well I pray 2012 brings more good than bad, I pray that so bad! We'll see what happens I guess.
-"For God did not give us a Spirit of timidity, but a Spirit of Power, of Love , and Self-Control!" -2 Tim. 1:7
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